Retailer Yandy recently apologized for releasing a “Brave Red Maiden” Halloween costume that appeared to be a sexy version of the iconic red “Handmaid’s Tale” dress. Backlash was so strong that the costume was removed from stores and wiped from the internet. Here are 11 more terrible, sexy Halloween costume ideas.
- Klu Klux Klan Mini Skirt Robes – Tastefully conceals the face while flaunting those pasty, cellulite-riddled gams. White power has never felt so sexy.
- Racially Sensitive Starbucks Barista Apron-kini – Sure, the Starbucks baristas are back and more racially sensitive than ever. But that doesn’t mean they can’t still be the hottest part of your morning! In this Starbucks-green, two-piece apron, it won’t be names you’re writing down wrong; it’ll be numbers!
- 3D Printed Penis – Instead of overcompensating with a 3D printed gun this Halloween, get right to the point in this hyper-masculine 3D printed penis costume! For sizing concerns, don’t worry; it’s huge (think NFL mascots).
- Stormy Daniels – Don’t feel like trying this Halloween? Nothing says sexy like a porn star. We’re calling it now; Stormy Daniels is the sexy counterpart to the I-don’t-care bed sheet ghost of yesteryear.
- Anything Fortnite – Obviously anything referencing ‘skins’ is sexy, right? Of course it is! But now you can be sexy while simultaneously staying home and hiding your hideous, not sexy body behind both an avatar of yourself and a physical screen. Perfect for both sexy Halloween and virgin Halloween!
- Thai Soccer Team Cave Boy – What’s hotter than a bunch of young Asian boys trapped in a cave quickly filling with water? Literally nothing. Remember how obsessed everyone was with that story? Remember how sexy it was? That could be you! Buy now before it’s recalled for insensitivity!
- Sexy Sherriff Joe Arpaio – The naughty stripper cop outfit is so 2017. This year, slip into our sleazy Sherriff Joe Arpaio body suit. Woven from rancid onionskins and soiled burlap, you’ll be indistinguishable from the actual sexy Joe Arpaio! Forget immigrants, you’ll be detaining a sexual partner tonight! Order now and receive the light-up liver spotted Joe Arpaio mask!
- Duchess of Sus-sexy Meghan Markle – She’s breaking all the rules so why shouldn’t you? The all-new Meghan Markle latex duchess costume is sure to make that British sense of humor anything but dry. Like the royal family itself, you’ll attract tons of attention without doing much at all.
- Juul Pod – While all those cliché sexy nurses and played-out sultry cat girls work the room, every crusty-eyed virgin will be watching your every move. This Halloween, reap the rewards of their pathetic addiction in this sensual, rectangular Juul Pod costume.
- Plastic Straw – So naughty…so forbidden…Toe the line between scary and sexy in this risqué Plastic Straw suit that’s sure to trigger Snowflakes and partygoers alike. Equal parts toothsome and heartless, this show-stopping, unisex costume is made from 100% real plastic. One size fits all.
- Cool Pope Sexy Vatican Robes – Like the current Pope, you’re cool and stopped giving a fuck ages ago. This sexy Halloween getup swaps out that weird little white pancake hat for a totally rad Kangol rally cap. Blessed are those who order the official Vatican City Tank Top and matching Cool Pope Board Shorts. Go in peace and get laid this Halloween!
By: Fletcher Bonin